The next advancement in video game graphics technology isn't ray tracing or tray racing or any variation of that – it's clunky stop motion and trashy plastic dolls, and it actually started about 30 years ago, when I first saw the Adam and Joe show. If you've never seen the Adam and Joe show, they used to make homemade remakes of famous movies like Titanic and Saving Private Ryan using stuffed animals and action figures. I used to find these “Toymovies” funny when I was a kid – I think they're less funny now. They're probably full of jokes that we can provisionally classify as “of their time”. The thing is, Reptilian Rising is kind of Toymovie: The Game.
Created by Gregarious Games and Robot Circus, the game puts you in command of a warped force of plastic miniatures battling evil creeps on cardboard tabletop dioramas. Characters range from Cleopatra (in three versions) to Churchill and Back To The Future’s Marty McFly. The developers released a new trailer, after which I had the chance to give the Steam demo a whirl, and while I have a few reservations, I can see myself enjoying it.
The reservations are mostly about the humour. This is one of those retro parodies that oversteps itself to pile on reference after reference after joke. As far as a tabletop wargame goes, it’s charming – the levels are a perfect match for the levels I’d cobble together as a budding Warhammer player for my dysfunctional High Elf army, and there’s a nice fat cassette player on one map with buttons you can press to stop the music. But the over-the-top dialogue voice-over is a bit of a hoot, especially considering there aren’t many lines per character. I get it, St George – you’re a braying parody of a nobleman. Please put that old arse-kicking line on hold.
After a few minutes of St Georgian chatter, I was tempted to give up. But the sunk cost argument prevailed – and it turned out to be no mistake, because I was having fun. Underneath the caprice, Reptilian Rising is a pretty sober tactics game. On the map I played, I had to take control of crystals that summoned waves of hooded reptilian cultists and cyborgs; once captured, I could spend Time Energy on the crystals to summon miniatures of my own.
Time Energy can also be spent on character upgrades like stun resistance, and there are power-ups that pop up unexpectedly to knock you out of formation. You also have to worry about a boss appearing after a countdown unless you smash all the glowing purple dice. The overall picture is a tactical game where you have to expand your position under varying pressures, rather than methodically reducing a limited number of enemies. As for the characters, they fill familiar roles: Einstein is your gunner equipped with a beam cannon, while Non-Marty McFly grabs a hoverboard to quickly flank. The off-map Reptile ruler, who reminds me a lot of Bowser from Bob Hoskins' Mario movie, occasionally issues orders to enemies that alter the odds – for example, he orders them to focus fire on St. George. He deserves it, roaring annoyance.
It's no Into The Breach, but it entertained me enough that when I finished a demo mission and took a break from writing, almost Instead, it just kept playing. If I were to recommend anything to the developers, other than adding more variety to the dialogue, it would be to make each new miniature you harvest a proper unboxing animation rather than making it look like a whiff of Tardissy SFX. Let's tear the cardboard. Also, maybe a simulation of real wear and tear? I want my Einstein to look like a dog tried to eat him.
Reptilian Rising doesn’t have a release date yet. Speaking of figures, let me direct you toward the rad Celtic oddity Judero and Jack King-Spooner’s work in general. If Reptilian Rising is Adam & Joe, King-Spooner’s creations have more in common with Mad God.